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Ezine Ready

Dealing with Fear of Women and Dating Them

Every guy has been afraid of women at one time or another in his life. It is just part of being a guy. So often we find that we dont understand them and we arent even sure that we are supposed to. Being a guy is obviously so different from being a woman that we get in our own way when it comes to relating well with women because of these fears.

In most cases, we have kept our fears to ourselves. Its not very manly. We are supposed to be the great conquerors of women, creating notches on our belt and breaking hearts with every turn of our heads. But thats not very realistic. We are afraid because we dont want to feel inept. We dont want to let down our fathers and we dont want our sons to think we are wimps. Even further, we arent clear on our own expectations and so we stick our fears in a little bin and head out without ever giving it any attention.

Fear comes from being concerned about being unhappy in the future. Fear is not based in the moment. If were afraid of women, were really afraid that either we dont know what we think we are supposed to know or that we are going about things the wrong way or that we simply dont measure up. This means that we are afraid that a woman might expose us for the fraud that we think we might be and then what? How are we supposed to deal with that? What if everyone found out and what if we were the laughing stock of our buddies?

So what? There is a big so what. The big so what is that we place expectations not only on ourselves but on the process of being with a woman. Every time we enter into a sexual situation, we are putting ourselves to some sort of test and hoping that she recognizes this and lets us know that we passed. Do we ever really want to know if we failed?

Of course, she is unaware that all of this is going on and she is most likely dealing with her own fears. But how can we push beyond our fears, or eliminate our fears altogether, in order to develop a higher level of confidence and to know that without a doubt we are doing everything that we can to meet her needs and our own at the same time?

Women are just as scared, and sometimes it helps to know this. Women have their own set of standards that they feel they have to meet and they have a good number of fears that we would find laughable. We feel that women have all the control. They get to determine the sexual pace, whether sex is even in the picture, and they dont seem the least bit concerned with whether they leave us hanging or not.

When we approach a woman, live with a woman, marry a woman, or even divorce a woman, the greatest key is simple. Women are not a conquest. When we take that need to conquer them off or plate, we turn them back into a woman. And on the outside their soft and gentle nature is bound to come through and calm us through the process. When we view women as our conquest, we are alluding to the idea that they are elevated so high above us that we have to rally the troops and lay out a battle plan and sharpen our weapons before we can even think about speaking to one. Women are quite simple just that; women.

If you really want to be more successful with your interactions with women, ask them what they want. Each one will have a familiar yet different answer. Finding out what women are really looking for and what they feel you can actually offer them takes the guesswork out of the whole ordeal. It is much more pleasant just to ask her, listen to her, and decide from there whether or not you can meet her expectations or desires. In most cases you probably can provided that you understand what those expectations or desires really are. It becomes that basic and simple if you let it.

Drop your fear of rejection with this same principle. If you approach a women and she doesnt respond the way that you hope she will, it isnt rejection. It is information and nothing more. This is one way of finding out what her needs and expectations are. Just as you can line up three very attractive women in the room, two of them arent going to stand out so much. You have a different preference and a different interpretation of what is sexy and beautiful. You best friend might believe that a different woman is more attractive. Does this mean that the women you didnt pick arent attractive and perfectly viable women? No. It means that they didnt work for you within the frame work of your desires and expectations. That is all she is letting you know. She can do it nicely or harshly, but all she is doing is passing on information about what she prefers.

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