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Ezine Ready

Don't Think You're Boring? Think Again

Nobody likes to think they're boring, yet it's easy to get wrapped up talking about things that you find interesting but that other people don't find as exciting. When speaking, discretely check in with the other person or the group to make sure they're not bored and want to get away as soon as it's politely possible. Being aware of how others are responding by their interaction and body language is a really important social skill.

Here are five cues to look for that can tell you if you're boring the daylights out of someone:

1. The other person isn't responsive. No, you haven't bored them to death (yet) but they are no longer asking you questions nor giving you verbal or physical cues to continue speaking.

2. The conversation has become a monologue. What was an exchange of ideas is now just your going on and on. The other person has stopped contributing to the discussion...for a while now.

3. You ask the other person a question (like "What do you think about what I'm saying?") and they have no response other than, "That's nice." They probably stopped listening to you fifteen minutes ago.

4. No one else has spoken for a very long time. Chances are that everyone is silent because you're not. Conversations include other people and if no one else has said anything for a while, it's time for you to take a break.

5. The other person looks tired. Listening takes effort and if you're talking incessantly you'll wear her out. Really - enough is enough.

Also - don't mistake someone's paying polite attention to you for having interest in what you're saying. They're likely just "being nice" and hoping someone calls their cell phone with an "emergency" so they can excuse themselves.

If you've noticed any of the above cues when you're speaking, take a breather and give someone else the chance to talk. They may well appreciate the opportunity.

Generally, when talking to others make sure they share the same interest or, at least, make sure that they want to know more. Being able to create and contribute to a conversation that everyone in the group finds interesting is a valuable social skill. It makes people like you and want to be with you. Boring them makes them want to leave.

As much as you like share your stories, other people do too so let them have a chance to talk. And when they're talking, listen to them like you would want them to listen to you. Keep the conversation a dialogue and the discussion open so everyone can participate.

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Laurie Wilhelm manages the Express Yourself to Success website, a one-stop e-source with information and techniques on interpersonal and social skills, public speaking, networking and conflict resolution. Achieve your success by working effectively with others. Find out how you can boost your career and get a free white paper, What Everyone Needs to Know About Social Skills, by going to www.expressyourselftosuccess.com.

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