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Ezine Ready

Is Tiger Playing a Sport or Just a Game

There has been a lot of talk recently suggesting that Tiger Woods may be the greatest athlete ever. People who say this really mean ever -- including Ali, Ruth, Jessie Owens, and Jim Thorpe. I do not argue that Tiger is an extremely skillful player of a very challenging game. Too bad he doesnt play a sport.

Alright hold back before you start pelting me with one on the 300,000 balls you can play with or your putter. (Putter -- how can you call one of your primary pieces of equipment a putter?

Anyway give me a minute to make my point before you go off the clubhouse and have another cocktail. The way I see it, golf is not so much a sport as a game of tidily-winks on a really big board.

Everyone knows that sports take place in stadiums and arenas not on small continents. Everyone also knows that all true sports involve man to man competition -- one guy looking the other guy in the eye and going at it.

Now I am not now nor have I ever been a professional athlete, but I can tell you that my friends and I played a lot of sports in the back yard and on school fields and in little league parks. We played football, and baseball and soccer and hockey. We also played a lot of games; red rover and monopoly and pinochle.

None of us would have thought a guy chasing a ridiculously small ball around a park trying to get it in a soup can buried in the ground was a sport. There are things that real sports share -- uniforms, fit young athletes, loyal fans and a playing field with chalk lines. Lets see how golf stands up.

UNIFORMS
Lets start with designer jerseys (I mean polos) with cute little logos. It used to be alligators and teddy bears and now its equipment manufacturers branding and swooshes. Now take a look at those neatly pressed dress slacks -- traditional black and brown as well as pink, lime green, fire engine red and some of the ugliest plaids since the days of William Wallace. Shoes- let me just say this, have you ever seen so many tassels in your life.

FIT ATHLETES
Can we all say John Daly? And is it appropriate for Phil Nicholson to go bra-less. Bob hope played his last game when he was 90. What other sport has a legitimate senior circuit. When baseball plays an old timers game it is a nostalgic joke. Football and hockey dont even dare think about it.

FANS
Perhaps the biggest difference between Golf and real sports is their fans. A sports fan is a guy who drinks beer, cheers loudly, and loves his favorite teams more than his mother. People who follow golf drink cocktails, clap politely, and dont really care who wins as long as the sun is out. Can you imagine a baseball crowd suddenly falling silent when a pitcher goes into his windup? Try to envision Browns stadium or Oakland Coliseum in hushed whispers when the center gets over the ball?

Its really all a matter of attitude. Golfers are just not serious enough to be athletes. Theres far too much light banter on the edge of the green while another guy is putting. Theres too much handshaking and not enough hitting. There certainly are far too many martinis between rounds and not enough rounds between beers in the cheap seats.

PLAYING FIELDS
Now I dont want to keep harping on this size thing, but come on. A hundred yards, 340 feet, two lines are dimensions of sports fields - not 150 acres. A game of golf is not a sporting event so much as a safari. Thats why they need those silly carts.

If they didnt have those lackeys following them around with a bag full of their equipment, golfers would have to take even more breaks then they do. What does a caddy have to do with a sport? Hes more like somebody you would need at the airport or like a guy who parks your car.

Finally, if you look around the world youll see pretty quickly that skill does not make you an athlete. My wife was a very skilled seamstress. She could do amazing things with her hands and many of her fans envied her skill. She had to plan her strategy and collect her equipment (I dont think I ever saw any pixies carrying her needles and spools). She would laugh in your face if you called her an athlete.

Tiger is a skilled tough-minded player, too bad he doesnt play a sport. See you at the game.

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