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Ezine Ready

Judgments and Realism Can Kill Relationships and Dating Success

My hair is messy and when you look at me you might think I look rather irresponsible. You can categorize me as many different personality types, but for the most part people stick me in either the artistic category or the rebellious bad boy category. That means that when they shove me into such a category they are making judgments about me that arent true.

I am not irresponsible. In fact, I am much more responsible than most people I know. I am rebellious with an artistic nature but I am not in any way shape or form a bad boy. Women find me very attentive, both in and out of bed. Whats my point? That women are going to judge you and they are going to be wrong.

Women (just as often as men) make judgments based on appearance and what we do for a living more often than how we conduct ourselves until they reach a particular level of intimacy with us.

They make assumptions about how well we might please them in the kitchen as well as in the bedroom and sometimes they are spot on and others times they are about as far from the horses rear end as they are making of themselves. It happens and we cant control it. What we can do, however, is refuse to play into their judgments and maintain our personalities despite their obvious disappointment.

I met a woman once who assumed (based on my looks) that I would not be able to please her. She called me up about a month later and asked if my invitation was still open to take her out? It turns out that she knew a woman that I had been very intimate with and she had a conversation with her about me and realized she had made a mistake. When I found this out, I stopped seeing her not because she made a judgment, but because she lied about her reasons for wanting to see me again as well as those for not wanting to date me in the first place.

We live in a world filled with judgment and we each have to decide exactly how much of it we can allow into our lives. In some cases, allowing any into our lives is hurtful but unavoidable. One of my friends is forever having to explain that he is not gay because he is strikingly thin and has shaggy hair.

When women judge you by your appearance or your job, you have to be prepared to know how you want to respond. You can either call them on it, tell them that they are wrong, or you can change your behavior to match their assumptions. Doing the latter turns you into a liar. You can get plenty of women without lying and those women are going to be a way better experience for you. Dont let judgment based on you categorical stereotype determine how you are going to act. You are not made up of a stereotype. You are made up of content. How you choose to display that content is a personal choice.

You can dress yourself up any way you want to. You can walk out of your house every single day acting like you are the player of the century or you can go for that entire metro-sexual look if it pleases you. You can cover up your insecurities with loud and outrageous vehicles and you can prep it up and hike and sail with the rich boys that you never were. But at the end of the day, at the end of your experience, when you strip down naked, you are still who you are and no amount of trendy dress is going to change that.

I believe we present to the world what we want them to see. I believe that if we want women to think we are fast and furious even though we havent gotten laid in two years that we will put it out there like that. Thats fine as long as we know that when people are making assumptions that are a natural leap from what we are presenting that we really cant get bent out of shape about it.

Your image is part of who you are but it doesnt make you who you are. You cant become a better person by choosing a better image. And if you have no image at all, you arent presenting anything about yourself to the world which is a whole other issue.

Images and stereotypes are part of our world. It can be a whole lot of fun to catch someone making an assumption about us and being able to show them something otherwise. If you keep running into the same judgment, check in and try to find how you are presenting that image to the world if it bothers you. If it doesnt then keep on moving. Because there is definitely a woman out there who is loving the image but who is into the naked version way more.

The return is also true. We make judgments about women all the time. A few times I passed over a woman initially because I really didnt think she was going to be all that sexually interesting. I loved finding out exactly how wrong I was and exactly how her image didnt hold her back one bit.

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