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Ezine Ready

Practice Makes Confidence in the Dating Game

Fearlessness is the lack of fear. Bravery is the ability to proceed despite your fear. Confidence is the belief that you are capable and that not being successful is not the same thing as failure. In order to be confident we also have to be fearless. The absence of fear comes from practicing, in every single situation in your life, methods of dealing with your fears that make fear obsolete. You might not believe that anyone can really walk through this life, especially when it comes to dealing with women, without fear. But it absolutely most definitely can be done.

Fear is the result of believing we are going to be unhappy or uncomfortable later. Even if later means in three seconds, fear is not really about what is happening at the moment. Think about it. If you are about to approach a woman you find very attractive and you are putting off your approach because you are fearful it isnt the act of walking that is causing you such anxiety. The future unhappiness is the way you think you might feel if she shoots you down.

When we approach any topic with fear and we notice that we are getting fearful, we can chunk it back down into baby steps. In our heads, we know we have not been fearful of walking since we were about a year old. We arent really fearful of talking since we are pretty accomplished at this task as well. We arent afraid of smiling or saying our name. We are afraid of her response. This is usually because we have built up an award winning scenario in our minds that includes her reaction, our embarrassment, and a whole bunch of other unrealistic things that we just toss in for dramatic effect. So we are essentially all worked up about something that only exists in our minds. Get back in the moment since your scenario hasnt happened yet.

Additionally, we take a womans negative reaction as a personal assault on our self image. Why? What happens if she shoots us down? We arent any less alone than we are right now. What happens if she totally over reacts and tosses her drink in our face and we drive home and are pulled over for speeding and the officer smells alcohol all over us and we get a breathalyzer test and we have to explain how we struck out. Wow. Thats quite a scenario, but really honestly and without judgment, who cares? Who cares if we are forced to admit that a woman reacted badly when we asked her out? Do you think that every guy gets ever woman he ever goes after except you? Who cares if she reacts badly in public? She is only making herself look bad and has warded off any possibility of any other guy in the area asking her out. So what really is the big deal? None of these things reflect poorly on you.

We fear things because we believe that they are somehow a personal statement of our own ineptitude. We fear what might happen when in most circumstances, it wont. We convince ourselves that our fear is not only warranted, but normal. How normal does it ever feel to feel bad? Feeling bad is not normal just as feeling good is not normal. Remove the judgment about feelings and you can deal with them with ease and confidence.

We also fear things when we believe something specific about the way the situation reflects on the person. Perhaps you believe that any guy who wears a womans drink is a loser. Why? Maybe someone told you so or maybe someone laughed at another guy and called him a loser when you were younger or any other host of situations that may have given you such a belief. Why cant the problem be with the woman who cant act reasonable in public? Why isnt her behavior a problem? When you start really digging into the beliefs you have about the reflection of situations, you can start to get rid of them. Then you get rid of the fear.

All of this takes some practice. Not one single guy is born into this world with super power women skills. They are learned, practiced, and tested. Start with some of your smaller fears and work your way up. But there is one simple idea that can cure all of your fears. You can not be afraid of anything while you are being completely present in the moment. If you are only in the moment, and I mean all of you nit just some of you, you arent considering the future possibilities so you cant be fearful of what might happen down the road. It is really that simple. However, that is not easy, and there is a difference.

Lets say that you are afraid of bugs. You believe that your fear of bugs make you less manly, but you are really afraid of the bugs nonetheless. By removing your focus on the bugs potential to cause you unhappiness later, you are able to deal with that fear and find what you believe that supports your fear. You can find evidence of your right to be fearful with any situation. You can also choose to find evidence that supports being fearless if you change your perception.

Practicing being fearless in every possible situation gives you an opportunity to hone your skills and thus learn to talk to women without the fear of rejection. Sometimes you cant refocus your energy until you actually deal with your issues about women. Do you feel that women are better than you are? Are you afraid that they arent going to see that you are a good guy? Are you afraid that they are going to judge you and act poorly toward you? Do you believe that this might make you a loser?

Dont be hasty to pass your fear off as irrational. All fear is actually rational. Fear comes from a real and transformable belief about you and the situation you are in or came from. Fear is the direct result of not knowing that whatever happens in the future is something that will somehow benefit you and is something that you are totally equipped to handle. Thus, when you are working on releasing your fear, you are also working on changing your attitude about what it means to be in an unpleasant or less than optimal situation.

The more you practice letting go of your fear based beliefs and the more you are able to let of go of fear, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life. If you were lacking fear, how easy would it be to talk to a woman, ask for her phone number, and even ask her out on the spot? The simplicity life takes on when we start dumping our fears one after the other is really rather amazing. We can be totally liberated from our fear based beliefs if we dedicate our time to learning how to be free from it. Imagine the changes in your life if you could dump all your fears relating to women.

Practicing these skills takes a little time and a commitment on you end. If it is really something you want then you can go and get it. There is never any indication that you have to be afraid of women. Just because we all are or were at any given moment doesnt mean that its any type of requirement. Once you sift through the fears you have about women and why you spend so much time worrying about what they are going to think might happen, you can spend your time getting to know more women on a very intimate and fearless basis. But of course, there is no magic bullet that you can swallow. You have to take it one fear at a time and one moment at a time until you are finally able to walk through this world in complete fearlessness.

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